Visions Of A Former Self
by MrsJackHarkness
Summary: Post S3. Gene cannot move on, now living in Alexs flat, he is haunted by images of her. Will he move on or will these dreams push him to extreme measures to try and get by?
1. Chapter 1

AN:

Title: Visions Of A Former Self

Words: 596

Romantic Pairings: Gene&Alex.

About: Ashes To Ashes

It had been a year since Gene had literally forced Alex into The Railway Arms. The twelve months following her departure had been bitter and cold for him, like a three hundred and sixty five day winter. He felt cut off from the team; he no longer felt warmth and pride towards them, just a sense of loss.

"We're off to Luigis Guv" Terry spoke, popping his head into Gene's office "Are you coming?"

He shook his head "No thanks, I've got stuff to do"

Gene watched Terry leave CID with the other officers. He waited half an hour, like he did every night, before leaving the office and heading over to Alex's old flat. Gene had been staying there ever since she had left, though out of respect he never slept in her bed, instead he slept on the sofa. He'd stand in her bedroom sipping a glass of whiskey and just look around, imagine her lying in bed or brushing her hair. He sat on the floor and rested his head against the wall, this is what his pitiful existence had come down too, imagining what the love of his life used to do. He hated to think that he actually needed someone, not just someone though...Alexandra Drake.

He blinked the tears from his eyes and looked at the bed, he needed it, he needed to feel close to her, needed to smell her perfume and feel the soft silky sheets. He downed his whisky and went into the bathroom, showering quickly before slipping into bed. He sighed and closed his eyes, smiling softly as he smelt her perfume on the pillow next to him.

'_What are you doing Gene?_' Alex smiled, leaning against the doorframe.

He turned over and looked at her, smiling "Just having a lie down"

She stepped closer to the bed, unfastening her silk dressing gown and letting it fall to the ground, revealing dark blue lingerie "_What do you think Gene?_"

"I think you look beautiful, as always"

"_Let me come to bed with you Gene_" she spoke, walking around to the other side of the bed slowly "_It's so cold, these winter nights are cold, I need you to keep me warm_"

"You can't Alex, you know you can't"

"_I need you to touch me Gene_" she breathed, running her hands through her hair seductively "_I need to feel your hands on my skin, your lips on mine; I need to smell your aftershave_"

He sat up and sighed "Bolls no..."

"_It's your fault Gene!_" she snapped, pointing at him accusingly "_You sent me here and now I'm trapped, I can't come back to you and I'm alone, I'm so alone Gene_"

He watched, heartbroken, as she sank to her knees sobbing "_It hurts me Gene, I feel so empty...like I'm dying, and you know what that means? It means you're killing me, Gene Hunt, you're murdering me_"

"Alex stop..."

She stood up and walked towards the bed, reaching out to him "_I need to touch you!_"

Gene got up off the bed, backing away as she followed him; arms outstretched "You can't touch me! You're not allowed!"

She screamed and ran at him, just before her hand made contact to slap his left cheek, Gene flinched. When he opened his eyes he looked around the empty room, bursting into tears. It was the same every time, she'd disappear the second he squeezed his eyes closed. It was the only way he would see her, to imagine her, but it hurt him so bad. No pain, no gain.

**What do you think? Is it worth continuing? Teehee! **


	2. Chapter 2

AN:

Title: Visions Of A Former Self

Words: 871

Romantic Pairings: Gene&Alex.

About: Ashes To Ashes

He had stayed on the sofa, again, that night, although he hadn't slept. It was bad enough picturing her when he was awake, let alone dreaming about her. He stood at the kitchen counter making himself a cup of tea, turning around to see Alex sat on the kitchen table, swinging her legs seductively.

"I know you're not really there Alex" Gene spoke and went to sit on the sofa "Your just my imagination giving me a kick in the bollocks"

"_I'm not imaginary Gene_" she smiled sweetly, walking into the living room and standing in front of him "_I'm real Gene_"

"Then tell me something about you that I wouldn't know"

The smile on her face faded to a pout "_How about I show you instead?_"

He watched her reach around to her back and unclipped her bra, pulling the straps down her shoulders and letting the blue silk bra fall to the floor.

"_I always wanted you Gene, I wanted you in the office, in the Quattro, on this sofa_" she moved closer so that she was stood directly in front of him "_You do know that you can have me, don't you Gene? All you have to do is reach out and touch me_"

"Alex I'm not allowed to touch you" he sighed, getting up off the sofa and grabbing his jacket, leaving the flat.

He began walking down the stairs, spotting her further down leaning against the banister.

"_One touch Gene, that's all I want_" she smiled "_Remember what it felt like, touching me? What did I taste like? How soft were my lips? Like cotton wool or velvet?_"

"Stop it Alex, please?" he begged.

"_What did my hand feel like on your cheek? My nose nudging yours, our face so close afterwards_"

"Fuck off! You're not real! You are not fucking real!" he yelled, covering his face with his hands.

He heard her giggle and when he uncovered his face she was gone. He gritted his teeth and cleared his throat, going to work.

That day had been hard, as usual. He had to try and work every single day with Alex appearing here and there, asking for the same thing and wearing that same enticing blue underwear. Sometimes she sat on the edge of his desk, other times she followed him down corridors or down streets, one time he had walked into CID and she'd been dancing on the top of her old desk, smiling and laughing. He'd wished it was real.

"_It's well past home time Gene_" she smiled from the doorway, biting her lip playfully "_Let's go home, yeah?_"

He looked up at her from his paperwork "I should call bloody ghost busters on you, I wonder if you can get injunctions out against ghosts"

"_I'm not a ghost silly, I'm Alex, your Alex, I'm your Bolly_"

He stood up and pulled his coat on, leaving the office and heading back to the flat, ignoring the images of Alex that followed him back to the flat. Once inside he closed his eyes, undressing on his way to the bedroom, if he kept his eyes closed then he wouldn't have to see her. He climbed into the bed, wrapping himself in the duvet, enveloping himself in her smell. Letting himself fall asleep.

The next morning Gene awoke feeling an odd sense of relief, he rubbed his eyes and sat up, sighing deeply when he saw Alex sat at the dressing table brushing her hair.

She smiled, looking at him in the mirror.

"Hello Bolls" he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

She turned and stood up. That was when he noticed it. Her blue underwear wasn't blue, it was a rosy pink.

"Alex?"

She waved at him, then tucked her hair behind her ears and got up, walking over to him.

"Bolls I...are you really there or...?"

She shrugged "_That's for you to decide_"

He let out a heart wrenching sob, covering his mouth as the tears rolled down his cheeks "Why are you doing this Alex? This is killing me, what the fuck do I have to do to stop this?"

"_Come to me Gene! I need you! I can't live without you! I need my Manc Lion!_" she wept "_I want to dance to Spandeau Ballet again with you again, only this time we won't be interrupted, you can have me...all of me_"

"Alex I can't come yet, my work here isn't done" he sighed "I have to help people move on, like I helped you"

"_I wasn't ready Gene and you know it, but you made me go, why did you do that?_"

"Bolls, you're the most beautiful woman I have ever met and I didn't want you to go, but I knew that it was for the best, surely you're happy in heaven?"

"_I've never felt more alone Gene, I thought that you'd have figured that out by now_"

He couldn't take it anymore; he couldn't endure her haunting a second longer. Climbing off the bed he reached to touch her, as he expected she disappeared. If this was the only way that she'd leave him alone then he would do it, he'd reach out and make her disappear.

**Is this fic interesting or just weird and confusing? I don't know what to think of it at the moment, what's people's opinions?**

**S x**


	3. Chapter 3

AN:

Title: Visions Of A Former Self

Words: 595

Romantic Pairings: Gene&Alex.

About: Ashes To Ashes

It had been a week since Gene had last seen Alex anywhere, she hadn't been in the flat or the office or even in his dreams, instead he had dreamt about a pub, it was as though he'd been stood watching the whole scene.

"_We should have known that something was wrong" Ray sighed, taking a drag of his cigarette "As soon as she stopped hanging around with us, just sitting in that bloody bedroom"_

"_We should be worried about her" Chris spoke "Every time I walk past her room I hear her crying"_

"_Nelson said she's been asking about ways of going back, saying that she wants to see the Guv again"_

"_Should have known it's something to do with him" Sam said, drinking his pint "Mr Heartbreaker Hunt"_

"_Typical for him to screw up the head of a perfectly shaggable bird, I actually thought I could try and get in there seeing as he wasn't coming in here" Ray grumbled "He fucked that one up for me didn't he"_

"_Don't be so disrespectful Ray!" Shaz shouted "Something isn't right, I know that she's grieving but she's gotten worse, it's like she's lost him all over again"_

Gene sat up the bed, sweating and shaking. He threw back the red covers, the ones that no longer smelt like her, climbing out of bed and heading into the bathroom. He should have known that something was wrong when he had stopped seeing her about the place. He climbed into the shower and turned on the water, letting the hot drops fall down onto him and soak him through, steam filling the room. He just stood there, thinking about how many times she would have stood where he was now, naked, closing his eyes he let him reach down and take himself in hand, rubbing himself, imaging that it was her who was working a hand up and down his length.

"_Impressive_"

His eyes shot open and he released his hold on himself, seeing Alex sat on the toilet lid, her blue turned pink underwear now a jade green.

"Bolls, where have you been? I haven't seen you in days"

"_It's because you didn't want to see me, but not you do, now you'd give anything to see me, wouldn't you?_"

He watched her stand up and shed her skimpy clothing, climbing into the bath and standing in front of him in all her glory. He didn't care if she was there or not, he could see her directly in front of him wearing nothing but her skin.

"_You were thinking of me then weren't you, imagining me touching you_" she smirked, running her fingers through her hair "_You do understand that I'm not real, don't you? That __I'm the formation of a mental image, of something that is not perceived as real and is not present to the senses_"

"Even a fake you still goes on with the psycho-twattery" he chuckled.

She smiled and tilted her head to the side a little "_I'm going to tell you something Gene, you're going to see me again soon_"

"I can see you now Alex"

"_No, I mean you are going to see me again, for real, you're going to be able to touch me_"

He smiled and rested his head against the wall, placing his hand against the damp white tiles, she did the same. For the few seconds, before Alex disappeared, Gene actually felt as though he was sharing an intimate moment with her.

"It's going to be alright Alex" he smiled "I'll see you soon"


	4. Chapter 4

AN:

Title: Visions Of A Former Self

Words: 738

Romantic Pairings: Gene&Alex.

About: Ashes To Ashes

Alex had been wrong. He hadn't seen her soon; he hadn't seen her at all since the incident in the bathroom. It had now been two years since Alex had gone into The Railway Arms. In that time there had been a new member to the team, who had worked out that he was dead and was ready to move on.

"Are you coming in Guv?"

Suddenly Gene remembered Alex's words; she had said that he would see her soon. Was this it? Was he supposed to go inside the pub once and for all?

"Guv?"

"Yes, I'm coming in" Gene smiled.

His colleague opened the door and led the way. As Gene Hunt stepped into The Railway Arms, he was engulfed by a bright white light, gradually the light died down and he found himself inside the pub. Gene spotted his team sat at the table, Shaz spotted him first.

"Guv!" she stood up and shot over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him, giggling "Oh it's good to see you!"

"You too Granger" Gene smiled, hugging her back.

He felt Shaz take his hand, her tone becoming more serious "Guv, you need to come with me, you have to help her"

"Alex?"

Shaz nodded, leading Gene through the bar and down to a corridor where numerous doors led off into rooms where the people here obviously slept. One of the doors was open and Nelson was stood there, his usual smile totally gone. Walking into the room Gene was taken aback, laying in the bed was Alex, but she didn't look like his Alex; her skin was a deathly clammy grey colour, she was shivering and she was whimpering in pain.

"What's wrong with her Shaz?" Gene asked "Why is she like this?"

"Nobody knows Guv, she kept herself to herself for about a week and the next thing we knew she'd collapsed, Nelson says its might be exhaustion"

Gene walked over to her and sat on the edge of the bed, stroking his hand over her cheek "I can touch you Bolls, you wanted me to touch you and now I am"

He smiled as she turned her head and pressed her cheek against his hand, he didn't know if it was on purpose or just because she was tossing and turning a little.

"Come on Drakey, open up them pretty eyes and look at me" he whispered, smiling "What've I got to do, eh? Have I got to kiss you in front of these two? I bloody will you know, I've waited long enough"

He leant down, half expecting her to open her eyes and push him away like she had done on numerous occasions, but instead his lips brushed over hers. He did it again, applying a little more pressure this time. There was nothing, he moved around to the other side of the bed and lay down, his arm draped over her and his head on her shoulder, kissing her neck softly.

"You've been driving me crazy Bolls, showing up around the place" he spoke.

"What do you mean showing up around the place?" Nelson asked.

Gene looked up "Over the past two years I've seen Alex, everywhere, following me around"

"That's why she's ill, she's been projecting her into your life" Nelson smiled "She's a clever woman"

A couple of minutes passed and eventually Nelson and Shaz left. Gene sat up at stroked her damp hair.

"Alex? Come on darling, wake up eh?" he sighed "I...I love you Alex Drake"

Just as he lay back down beside her, he heard her speak, heard her say him name. He sat back up and saw her beautiful hazel eyes gazing at him, a smile playing on her lips.

"Hello gorgeous" he grinned "I see you've made yourself ill just to make my life hell and get me in here"

"I had to do something" she spoke, her throat dry and sore "You were taking too long, I was getting lonely"

"Not anymore darling, I'm here for good, no need to ever feel lonely again"

She smiled up at him and he slowly leant down to kiss her lips, feeling her hand tangle in his hair as she kissed him back with the passion she wished she had injected into their embrace all those years ago, and Alex knew that now he was finally here, this place really was heaven.


End file.
